Home » Forums » HellMOO Forums » Game Tactics

Caine's Guide to Being a Good Hellmoo Player

user warning: Unknown column 'u.signature_format' in 'field list' query: SELECT c.cid as cid, c.pid, c.nid, c.subject, c.comment, c.format, c.timestamp, c.name, c.mail, c.homepage, u.uid, u.name AS registered_name, u.signature, u.signature_format, u.picture, u.data, c.thread, c.status FROM comments c INNER JOIN users u ON c.uid = u.uid WHERE c.nid = 231 AND c.status = 0 ORDER BY c.cid LIMIT 0, 50 in /data/sites/hellmoo.org/modules/comment/comment.module on line 992.
27 replies [Last post]
Sat, 05/30/2009 - 02:47
Caine
Caine's picture
V.I.P
Joined: 03/14/2009
User offline. Last seen 1 year 50 weeks ago.

People often ask me, 'Caine, how do I become such a good Hellmoo player?'

The answer is quite simple! In just a few short lessons, I will have you amongst the top Hellmoo players. In fact, these rules will come in use in many social situations!

LESSON #1

To be a good Hellmoo player you must be incredibly confrontational. Every time you die you must yell at the person responsible and/or admins and tell them how much they suck and that they obviously cheated. Look at the facts: everyone except you and your best friend Davey cheats. Even the supposed 'good guys'. They're all out to screw you over and use sneaky little exploits that you know nothing about. You know, like when they use cover. What the hell is that? You go through all that trouble of getting a bruce springsteel and now your opponent cheats and takes it.

Lesson 1: Everyone cheats.

LESSON #2

Have you ever seen one of those people on Chatnet who uses so-called 'punctuation' and 'lowercase letters' and 'spelling'? Don't you just want to take their vowels and screw them? I know I do! And if you want to be a world-class Hellmoo player, then that is the exact sort of rational thinking that you must keep in mind! Since when was Hellmoo a fucking Literature class? You're there to rape orphans and kill faggots. Punctuation just gets in the way of crowning yourself "King of Hellmoo". With that in mind, this lesson is probably the most important. Avoid using nerd typing at all costs. No lowercases, no commas, no periods, and as little vowels as you can manage with. Just good ole' capital letters and exclamations for the true Hellmoo player.

Lesson 2: Only faggots use proper English.

LESSON #3

Did you know that 99% of all things people say on Chatnet and/or Zotnet are insults directed towards your person? It's a statistical fact! How should you respond to this? Well, some idiots say 'ignote them'. I mean, it's not like you know them or anything. WRONG ANSWER. By ignoring them you embarass yourself infront of the entire Hellmoo community! You must immediately scream at them (like you practiced) while calling for an admin. You may need to yell at the admin too.

Lesson 3: They're all out to get you.

LESSON #4

Final lesson! The most important words you can learn are as follows: FAG, XPLOITZ BSTRD, HOOR, U, SUX, HAHAHGAHFJKJGAD, CHEETZ, LOGZ, HAX, LAG. Use any combonation of these words as often as possible for the desired results. People who don't speak like this are obvious mouthbreathers who cannot make sentences. They think they're better than you, but they're really not. Trust me. As long as you speak those words everyone on Hellmoo will respect you and like you - especially if you cleverly insult them using those above words. And if everyone likes you, you'll be bound to know some pros who can help you get more points on those fucking leaderboards.

Lesson 4: Communication is important.

Now, go out there and be the best you can be!

Top